i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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