God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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