Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
