My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
