its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
