NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
