they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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