She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
