I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
