The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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