i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
do nipples grow back?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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