I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
