I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
