we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
