There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
