I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
