Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
