Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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