Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
