so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
