Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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