One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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