I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
