All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
