Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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