So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
