she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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