I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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