Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Mom said you looked used
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
