Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
