she looked like the bat from fern gully.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
