I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
