I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
