I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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