The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My legs feel like baby dolphins
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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