I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
