I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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