Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Boobs are out for the taking
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
