my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
