Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
