i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
