Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
