It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
