So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
