so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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