Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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