hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
