I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
