i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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