I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
