she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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