i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
