I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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