Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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