As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
