oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
