a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
